This last week has been a whirlwind of activity, joy, pain (physically and emotionally) and anticipation. I wish I could explain, but here is a quick synopsis. My brother got married, which involved a bachelor party, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and rehearsal night roast, and the wedding day and reception. I did this on very little sleep and a lot of Blue Moon, while nursing 3 broken, infected, and stabbing wisdom teeth and an infected molar right next to my lower left wisdom tooth. I was fortunate enough to get into the Dr.’s Tuesday, and into the surgeon by Wednesday, and have been sleeping ever since.
It has been amazing how my emotional and physical pain have coincided. Yes I am happy my brother is married, but he has been my best friend for a while and now I know his duties lie with his wife. No more are the single days of Andrew and Tim, the parties we threw, the new years eve fights we get into… And no more will I get to know what it is like to wake up to the smell of coffee knowing Andrew is down at the kitchen table, in his robe, reading the morning newspaper. I loved those mornings cause it meant I got to sit there and chit chat over whatever and whenever. Andrew getting married was the last piece of the “home” that I grew up in dying, and now I have to seek out a new home, and begin a new life. If any of you have watched “Garden State” you may be familiar with the following scene. Zach Braff’s character has just come home for his mother’s funeral and he is talking to his new friend…
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
What is home to you?
Are you still searching?
Are we ever done searching?
If you decide to actually answer these questions I beg of you to leave the cliche Bible responses out of it. Speak from your heart and from you…
Not unlike a lot of you, I am still searching for my home… It would be nice to know who and where it is, but either way I an content in what the Lord has for me here and now. God is so good… He is SOOOOO good. I wish I could show Him more than I feel I am able.
If you haven’t thought about home lately, think about it now… And ask yourself what that is and what you would do to find it, protect it, keep it, and live it.